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Three Ways to Eliminate Holiday Relationship Drama

Thursday Nov 23, 2017

We all want our holidays to be happy and filled with lots of cheer. But holidays are notorious stressors when it comes to interacting with loved ones, especially those closest to us. We all say we want less drama in our lives, but how many of us are actually able to identify when we are participating in drama and make a different choice?

In her new "Goddess Guides" book "Goddesses Don't Do Drama: Removing Toxicity from Relationships," international bestselling author Ava Miles suggests some strategies for reducing drama so we can all have happier family time this holiday season.

1. Show up differently. You know which person in your family tends to trigger unhappiness or negative reactions in you. It's probably been this way for some time. How about giving the situation a new approach? We've all heard the following phrase countless times: "You can't change someone; you can only change how you respond to them."

This season, try not engaging with them as much. Perhaps don't sit next to them at dinner when you know they're going to say or mutter something unpleasant. Perhaps decide you're only going to stay for a couple hours instead of all day, or only go over for dessert and not a full meal. You can still be kind and bless them, but there's no reason to feel guilty about limiting your interaction with them. You deserve to be happy during the holidays.

2. Get out of the house. Many times during the holidays -- especially if we've traveled for a visit -- we're on top of each other in one house that's bursting at the seams. When you feel like you're becoming weighed down in old feelings and family patterns, get out for a while. Take a walk. Offer to go to the store.

In so-called tight-knit families, taking a walk by yourself can be considered weird by some of the more staunch family members, but that's their story. Creating space for yourself can alleviate internal pressures that might otherwise blow, and that will not only make you happier but it will permit others to take a timeout for themselves should they need it.

3. Share how you feel. If there is a loved one who you feel is picking on you or engaging only in negativity with you, perhaps it's time to express how you feel. After all, it's only going to continue as the years go on, right? As goddess women, we want to use words that are loving and kind. We speak from our hearts. This holiday season, here are some examples of the kind of goddess-woman language you can try with your loved one should you feel called to speak your truth:

I feel...
That makes me feel like...
What I think I hear you saying is...
This is hard for me to say, but I'd like to share X with you... I'm not sure how to say this...
I want to share with you
I want you to share with me
Can we be totally honest here?
This doesn't feel very loving or kind to me
I want to understand
My feelings are my responsibility
I take responsibility for my part in X

We can never know how anyone is going to respond to how we feel. All we can do is choose to be loving to ourselves by sharing our feelings. You never know. Perhaps you'll have a holiday miracle, and a relationship that had been rocky will be transformed.

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